30 day video game challenge day 14

Probably not much writing to accompany this post, day 14 asks for a current or most recent gaming desktop background. Which is somewhat presumptuous. Unfortunately we gamers are a predictable sort, and I have been using game themed desktops for quite some time, so I shall post the most recent examples.

       There is something about Garrus that is incredibly bad-ass. Even with half his face missing he is one hell of a sniper. So here he is looking cool. The concepets and original designs for Mass Effect are quite unlike anything I have ever seen despite originating from a common genre and make for some rather epic desktop images. 

On gaming masochism

    I have no idea why I picked 4am in the pitch darkness on my own to start playing FEAR 2 again- on surround sound no less. I can tell you this, the game is not named ironically. I think I had so many heart attacks that they canceled each-other out and formed a consistent average heartbeat. Impressively, in one one respect anyway, the terror does not just come from jumpy modern horror movie style moments. I mean that's a no brainer, I am sure Viva Pinata could make you jump if you turned out the lights and maybe took some LSD, but that's besides the point. FEAR 2 does a brilliant job at building up the tension, as with its predecessor. Eerie string music and ambient sound serve to build up some serious involuntary urination often to no end. I cant think of how often I have been expecting my face to be ripped off by scary demon children, spending 10 minutes building up the testicular fortitude to walk around a corner only to stroll into an empty room or encounter some average non-threatening peons. Well as far as FEAR is concerned, I consider a team of soldiers packing machine guns and body armor to be non-threatening. The visuals also help paint an ominous mental image. Corridors strewn with organs and bloody child-sized footprints usually work as a progress deterrent. I mean, just take a look at this screenshot. Can you blame me for not wanting to stick my head in there? 

Wii has come out

Ultimately I have come to the conclusion that playing FEAR in this way is an extreme act of masochism and I must be trying to kill myself through the medium of game. Well it sure beats interpretive dance, at least. Psychological terror aside, FEAR 2 works really well as a shooter. Who would have expected that? I would even go as far as to say it has  helped to hone my reactions when it comes to FPS titles. After a section of the game spent creeping through the bowels of the earth jumping at the slightest movement and shotgunning your own reflection, you are thrown into a built up urban area post nuclear blast and given a sniper rifle to play with. Now I would like to think of myself as a decent sniper at the best of times, but with the highly attuned schizoid reflexes I had developed after simply a few hours of FEAR, I found this part incredibly easy. I was doming bad guys left right and center at the rate of Superman on a speed & coffee bender. I was Fredrick Zoller, Mark Wahlberg and Lee Harvey Oswald all rolled into one. I think all first person shooters should now be played after a healthy dose of terror, so before I next jump on Battlefield 3 I am going to play chicken with a train. Wish me luck.

30 day video game challenge day 13

   Now, I have probably played a ton of games over and over from start to finish. I mean if a game has half decent replayability, you will not likely leave it at one playthrough. Its just value for money. However to play a game through up to five times and more, it takes something really special for me to nerd my life away to such an extent. Well, usually. I am sure I have played most Rare titles for the Nintendo 64 through multiple times, and yet few games at present will keep my attention for long. I am not sure if this is due to either me having roughly what qualifies as a life now, if modern games are just terrible, or that they are simply designed for the modern gamer with no patience or attention span to speak of. Either way, modern titles tend to max out at two playthroughs, and that's with the added incentive of whoring meaningless achievements. Have a pat on the back for playing our terrible game more than once. Has it really come to this?

    For my choice however, I am going to pick The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. For a game with no plot variables or changing factors to hold my attention for so long is impressive to say the least. I mean even the story is not particularly inspiring, rather standard fare to be honest. Unassuming boy discovers higher calling. Boy finds out he is good at killing things. Boy meets girl. Girl gets girl-napped. Boy becomes man. Man discovers he is great at killing things. Man vanquishes evil and gets girl, all live happily ever after. Apart from evil guy who is forced to live a life of eternal beige. However despite this and the noticeable fact that the game is now 14 years old and has all the graphical prowess of an etch-a-sketch, I can still play through OOT as an adult and enjoy it as much as I did when I was a round-headed hyperactive goblin child. The combination of unique off the wall Japanese design and smooth uncomplicated gameplay keep me coming back to OOT. There's something about fighting evil as a kid with nothing but a glorified shiv, a slingshot, sticks and nuts that never gets repetitive. Yes, that's right, nuts. But lets smooth over that part. The quirky originality of the whole affair has a certain undeniable charm; drinking milk to restore health and memorizing songs on an ocarina is a breath of fresh air every time. Its either that or I am catering to my inner man child by indulging in this retro title time and time again. I choose to feign ignorance and go with the first option. Oh yes, the theme here was "a game you have played more than 5 times." I'm sure the sharper tools will have cottoned onto that one.

Hardcore Pawn

      I am now going to have a bit of a rant about a very very annoying game so you may have to humor me. For some reason the 30 day video game challenge is missing this particular category so I'm going to freestyle it. Also the game in question haunts me every day so I desperately need to vent before it suffocates me. OK here we go, have you guessed it? Of course you haven't because the game in question is virtual chess. Or is it? I don't actually know the correct name, I mean it hardly qualifies as a video game in the sense you cannot buy it on a disc- I believe it comes as standard with Windows Home Edition. Possibly. Well whatever OS the PC at work has, its on that. Yes I am complaining about a crummy desktop game I play at work, so get used to this terrible concept you sycophants. 

      Now I am no chess master, but Id like to think of myself as a thinking man. See, all the thinking in that sentence proves it. But even on the easiest setting, this game is completely impossible.. Everything move you make is matched an accounted for- the AI does everything in such a way that every single piece will be backed up with another. Take a piece and you can be sure that yours will in turn be taken immediately, or something else you left open will be taken as a result of not moving it. Even if by some miracle of the divines you manage to gain an advantage, the computer will roll out the queen and steamroller all your pieces with extreme precision. Any misallocation of your pieces will be punished as the AI doles out multi-directional death.
      That's not even the worst part, the rules seem to be completely makeshift. As soon as a pawn gets through your lines, instead of earning back one of their lost pieces back the enemy gains another queen. Soon enough you are faced with an army of queens, which despite sounding like a nightclub in Brighton is actually very threatening. Maybe I am just approaching it from the wrong direction. Chess takes due thought and calculation, and when I am playing in my lunch break I am usually tackling it at 100 miles per hour trying to destroy everything with a single rook. Still, I am not so sure. The one time I did try to take things slow, my foe still had a wall of pawns and an unbeatable queen between me and sweet victory. Its madness, when you are faced with an enemy that plays 100% defensively and exploits any mistake, there is literally nothing you can do. As a gamer this frustrates my ego complex of needing to win everything. If you ever want to see a grown man rage quit a game of chess, come visit me at work. Next time I am taking a shovel to the desktop, check mate motherfucker.

I haven't shot anyone in the face in a while

   Ok firstly I think I should explain the title at the risk of sounding like a hitman on vacation. Basically I haven't been able to do any gaming in a while, and as I play mainly shooters, I do my fair share of face shooting when I am gaming. On a good day. On a bad day this may be extended to shin/kneecap/fingertip shooting. I know, its a wonderful social experience. Anyhow, as you may have noticed I also have not done any blogging in a while. I feel I should justify this as for once it is not down to laziness on behalf of yours truly. Basically over the course of the last week or so I have been contending with sudden employment, funerals and other random occurrences that have overall left me physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Like a sponge left out in the sun, I imagine. But today I feel like writing- I don't know if that is down to clocking off early or manning up, spamming up and generally shutting the fuck up and getting on with it. So I have hydrated my poor sponge self and proceeded to spout gobbledeegook for your entertainment. Here is some stuff about things, enjoy it.

30 day video game challenge day 12

      You would think that when deciding on a game everyone should play, one should chose something universal. Well that was a good idea in practice but I went for something that is universal as long as you are over 16. I know that isn't universal in the slightest but I don't know anyone under 16 so I figure I can get away with it. Anyhow, I think everyone should play Limbo. And by Limbo, I mean the disturbing surreal arcade title and not the one where you shimmy under a stick of varying height. That's a real game for real people. But I know everyone will not play this title unfortunately as half the people reading this probably have the incorrect console and the rest aren't even gamers. Perhaps when I am undisputed lord and master of the world you shall all play Limbo under the do-as-I-say regime, but until then you can pick up this title on Xbox Live Arcade and Paystation Network. I am not sure about the Wii- I doubt it would cross over well. Shake Wiimote to wii yourself and go fetal. 

      In Limbo, you play a child trapped within the mind of Joseph Fritzl. Well, I am sure you are trapped in limbo as the name suggests. However, everything is so dark, twisted and out to get you that you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise. When I first played Limbo, I hailed it as the game that could give you arachnophobia. I stand by that statement- when the giant spiders slink out of the shadows I still run for the hills. I am sure playing Limbo is not healthy for the psyche. Literally anything would be healthier on the mind. Even a twelve hour flight to New Jersey. Sat next to a screaming baby. And the in flight movie is something with Adam Sandler. And they are out of headphones. That was a long one, but you get the picture. Limbo is pretty damn dark.

     Darkness is not the reason I recommend Limbo however. Don't get me wrong it does disturbing incredibly well, which is difficult to find in games of late (Unless you have played Fallout 3 and stumble across a vault full of clones who can only say "Gary," inspiring terror yet also curious memories of that Only Fools and Horses episode) but that is not the sole reason why you should all play Limbo. You should play Limbo for the artistic value. The game looks wonderful, in a creepy arthouse sort of way. Everything is black and white set with thick heavy shadows, which only serves to enhance the horror when a 20ft spider lumbers menacingly out of nowhere to impale you in the noggin and suck out your young delicious brains. The sound design is nothing short of epic- the wind whispering through the trees is ominously atmospheric, genuinely conveying the "I'm about to be murdered by something spiky" feel. In short play this game and enjoy its deliciousness- eat it like a cake. A cake of terror. So anything with coconut, har har. But seriously, Limbo is so unique and artsy it is like a breath of fresh air. I give it 3 thumbs up.

Frankensteins day

   As I am sure most of you are aware, yesterday was valentines day. I hope you all had a good time, couple or no, and if not I hope my previous romantically themed blog served to cheer you up a little. Sorry its a day late, apparently when you update your blog it doesn't save when you are not signed in. Who knew?!?

Anyhow, I spent the evening playing the Mass Effect 3 demo which came out on the same day, which I am sure slightly less of you are aware. If that sounds depressing well maybe my curse is honesty, but I had fun so its all good in the proverbial hood.

In summary, ME3 is shaping up to be pure awesomeness- and I didnt even touch the singleplayer. So far the multiplayer element seems to follow the popular horde mode path. You and 3 friends (or random strangers, you decide) suit up as a collection of bad-ass humans and attempt to survive 10 punishing waves of unforgiving mercenaries. New characters, classes and even races can be unlocked through leveling up, and it seems in the full game additional enemy types and customization options can be unlocked to keep the experience fresh. Despite being but a taster containing only two maps, I still enjoyed replaying them to death over the course of the evening. This may in no small part due to getting lucky with unlocks- as my human character I quickly gained damage upgrades for a sniper rifle, and then managed to get my hands on an anti material rifle which seemingly destroys most targets with one shot in a spray of crimson. A short time down the line I unlocked a Krogan soldier, and proceeded to headbutt my way to victory. I can tell you they are not the most team friendly characters; half the time I was blocking shots from my allies with the sheer size of my player model, the rest of the game I was inadvertently poaching kills by lashing out at the nearest thing with my giant armored cranium. Still, the whole thing is ridiculously enjoyable and I cannot wait for the full game. Happy belated valentines from space!